I have tried to call out with parenthesis and italics those lines, words, etc., that don’t appear in the final Collected Poems version, or lines that change, punctuation adjustments, etc. I am sure there's a better way to do it, but you'll get the idea comparing the two. Here is the first.
To My Sister – Early Version
O my sister remember the stars the tears the trains
The woods in spring the leaves the scented lanes
Recall the gradual dark the snow’s unmeasured fall
The naked fields the cloud’s immaculate folds
Recount each childhood pleasure: the skies of azure
The pageantry of wings the eye’s bright treasures
(Remember too the loins from whence you sprung the limbs
Within the grave before you have this love)
Keep faith with present joys refuse to choose
Defer the vice of flesh the irrevocable choice
(Rejoice in narrow thighs in)
Cherish the (wintry) eyes (the buds of breasts) the proud incredible
Poise.
To My Sister – CP version
O my sister remember the stars the tears the trains
The woods in spring the leaves the scented lanes
Recall the gradual dark and the snow’s unmeasured fall
The naked fields and the cloud’s immaculate folds
Recount each childhood pleasure: the skies of azure
The pageantry of wings the eye’s bright treasure.
Keep faith with presents joys and refuse to choose
Defer the vice of flesh the irrevocable choice
Cherish the eyes the proud incredible poise
Walk boldly my sister but do not deign to give
Remain secure from pain preserve thy hate thy heart.
Thighs, loins, breast buds? Good cuts if you ask me. The turn at the end of the final version is quite a leap from the early version. I am always interested in comparing versions when I can find them, mulling over why maybe this word, why not the other. More of a curiosity for me than anything.
2 comments:
"they" in the last line should actually be "thy"hate, keith.
Actually, the whole last line seems a little strange, now that I see it was added later.
Why would the sister want to preserve "thy hate thy heart"? to "remain secure from pain"?
That ambiguity was certainly an integral part of all Roethke's poems, though, wasn't it?
Thy. Yes, fixed it. Hard to type and eat lunch at the same time. Lucky I didn't end up with thy hat.
I don't know about that harsh last line. What hate? Reading the poem again after all this time, that last line got me thinking of "I Am a Rock." And an island never cries. Corny. Besides reminding me of Paul Simon songs, this poem illustrates what I love so much about many of Roethke's poems: that muscular verb action driving the start of most every line.
If you want to make poems, for my money he is a fantastic poet to learn your chops on.
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