Two translations of the same haiku by Santoka Taneda.
The first comes from John Stevens' Mountain Tasting,
Going deeper
and still deeper—
the green mountains
the second from For All My Walking, Burton Watson.
the deeper I go
the deeper I go
green mountains
I read the second version as a little too explicit with its elbow nudge .. get it, get it? Deeper into the mountain, deeper into myself. JS's version pushes the idea to the same place with more subtle language methinks. Both wonderful books, bringing more (and different) Taneda poems into English.
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6 comments:
I really enjoyed reading these 2 translations of the same haiku -- I like having different takes on it since the nuances can touch different parts of the spirit -- or maybe even land in the same place with deep resonance and be welcomed with deep gratitude. This was lovely -- thank you!
:)
Clare, welcome! I am so glad to have you come by and thank you (a little late) for your kind post earlier in the week.
Are you in the Bay area? Seems like I read an archived post of yours that suggested you are. I was born in San Jose and lived in El Granada for a while just south of SF.
It intrigues me how two translations can diverge so much in point of view, the first like a painting stared into as the parallax recedes, the second like a journey of someone traveling through that landscape.
BG, it intrigues me that it intrigues you. Welcome back. He said, and drank rapidly a glass of water.
"I go in I go in still the green mountains"
tr. Hiroaki Sato in "Santoka: Grass and Tree Cairn."
All Sato's translations are one-liners. I prefer them to Watson's. I haven't been able to acquire a copy of Stevenson's tranlations.
Yes, Bay Area. I'm not familiar with El Granada, but I do know the way to San Jose. Hey, that sounds vaguely like a song....
:)
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